Disclaimer ;)

When I "accidentally" deleted my first blog I created another one thinking the first one was well, deleted.  I found it again, hence two blogs and a bunch of mixed up dates. I'll be sticking to one from now on I promise and forgive me for my instability or mood swings.  ;)

I think they lost my #

Two auditions in one day??!!  Needless to say I was super excited.  Even more excited because the Saturday before I had taken an intensive commercial class.  Nine and a half hours of intensity.  So when I got the call on Monday I thought, "I got this."  I am ready to apply every bit of information I learned and I will be a Walmart girl even if it kills me.  Hahaha!!  Well no callbacks, none. That's right I said zero and I really don't know how I feel about that. Personally, I think they lost my number ;) It's funny, because one day I'm ready to do this, I'm excited, motivated, ready to take on commercial land and the next I'm like whatever I can do without it.  Fact of the matter is, I can't do without it, I enjoy it, it makes me smile, it challenges me.  What I need to do without is the headtrippin' I put on myself because before you know it, it turns into a pity party for one and that my friends is not fun.  Believe me, I know! 

Cold Busted!!

Have you ever been called out on the rug and you have nothing else to say but "I know, I know." Well that was me this morning.  My most wonderful friend did it to me, but I am so grateful. When I started blogging I said straight out, I've never really worked hard for anything and once it gets tough or I don't feel like doing it anymore I quit.  I told myself and my blog friends that I was not going to quit, I was going to pursue acting and blog about it so that you can follow me on this little journey.  Well, if you've been reading you've probably noticed, or not, that I have deleted my blog twice (hence the 2 blogs).  My excuse to my girl B, it's easier to not do it.  I said it so nonchalantly, like that's what I do, that's how I roll.  She straight called me out, all she had to say was "you said it, it's easier".  My response, "I know, I know."  I totally felt like a kid getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar and having no excuse. It was good though, I liked it, I needed it!  So here I am, again, restarting something I should have never stopped.  Is it easy to sit here and admit that I fail? NO! Do I like it? Of course not, but it's a journey and to learn and grow I must fail, but persevere. Lesson for the day, be truthful and honest but do it with love!! Oh yeah, and don't quit!  By the way I have two auditions today!  You see if I wasn't blogging, you wouldn't know!

What was I thinking??!!

I can't even begin to describe how mentally and emotionally draining these past couple of weeks have been.  It's just crazy.  Losing focus on what really matters, worrying about things I have no control over.  Literally just being sick to my stomach.  I start questioning the decision I made to start acting again.  When Hollywood says "do not get into this business if you can not take rejection", they really mean it.  No matter how much I tell myself it's no big deal, it's like the devil is sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear and telling me that I'm no good and that I'm wasting my time.  After a few days of this, you begin to believe it!  

I had to look back at my first posts and remember why I started doing this.  It was a journey that I was going to begin, with at the time, 5 Facebook friends.  A journey not only of my acting career but of what the Lord was going to do with me in the process.  I look back and I tell myself "what in the world was I thinking?" I hate writing to tell you guys how I didn't get another audition. Pride is crazy!  I wish I could say that I walked into the casting studio and they sent everyone else home as soon as they saw me because I was perfect for the part.  It hasn't happened!!  

It seems like lately the reoccurring theme in my life has been, don't quit, don't worry, fail forward.  I must fail! I know that, it's just a horrible feeling!  It's the pruning process and it hurts.  It's the Lord chiseling away at my pride, making me accept rejection without feeling like it's the end of the world, and making me realize how much I really want this.  Am I going to fight for it or lay in the pit and cry out "i've fallen and I can't get up". 

I was sitting in church on friday for a night of praise & worship desperate to hear something, anything!!  Suddenly this thought came to mind.  It was like Jesus was telling me "what good would it do if I gave it all to you now".  Totally!! What good would it do me?! That would be way too easy!  Easy is not always good you know. I want to appreciate every audition, every gig, every chance I get to do what I love.  If it was all given to me now I'm afraid that wouldn't be the case.  

The Lord is doing a work in me right now, and it ain't pretty!!

Butterfingers and Saturday Shifts!

Just thought i'd post an update about what's going on in the audition world.  It's been a bit quiet so hence that's why i've been a bit quiet.  I don't want to bore you to death telling you everyday that I can't wait for the phone to ring.  Anyway! One of my acting coaches asked a couple of her students to audition for a project she's working on.  Once she described it to me I was super excited, it just sounded like a lot of fun.  Basically she wrote a script for a Butterfinger commercial that's going to be entered in a contest.  We won't get paid to do the commercial but if it wins, it will air nationally and that my friends would be ultra fabulous!!  

Besides the fact that i'm praying to get the part I am also praying for a miracle.  If I get the part, it shoots on Saturday.  Well, I being the wonderful coworker that I am ;)  picked up a shift for a friend that couldn't work on Saturday. Get this, I have NOT worked a Saturday for about a year!! Can you believe that??!! So now i'm trying to find someone to cover for me but of course everybody is busy. I don't blame them, who wants to give up a Saturday afternoon.  Anyway, I stressed for a second but then I realized it's in the Lord's hands, if it's His will it'll work out and if not, it won't.  Simple as that!  But... for all you prayer warriors out there, hook me up with a little prayer.  First to get the part because it sounds like a total blast and second for some wonderful coworker to call me and take my shift.  

Well I will keep you guys posted!

 

My first Commercial!

I was super excited today! My nephew calls me and tells me he just saw me on the Disney Channel! He was so excited because now according to him i'm famous!  Bless his little heart.  

Although the acting front is quiet at the moment, I was excited to hear that the commercial is airing.  I started getting a little itchy because the phone isn't ringing, but this should hold me over for a while! It was a reminder for me to be still and not lose heart. 

I'm sorry if my blogs sound like a broken record but it's just what's going on.  I'm being tested, my faith, my patience.  I started reading Practical Theology for Women, a book that Bianca recommended during the 7 deadly sins class.  The first couple of pages have already spoken to me loud and clear! In the book Wendy, the author, says that she was speaking to a friend and told her that she wishes she could just fast-forward a certain part of her life to just see the result.  Her friends response, "No! The journey is as beautiful as the destination. The trials now, this entire pruning process, are a good thing."  Wowwww!! Is that for me right at this moment or what??!!

So I will keep on keeping on, I won't give up when the going gets tough, and i'll stop whining! Hahaha!! 

As soon as I get a link to the commercial, i'll post it.  Thanks for the love!

Pity Party for One

I thought I would be writing my next post to let you guys know that I got the last gig I auditioned for, well that's not the case.  I was a little bummed, i'm not gonna lie. When an actor hears these two magic words, SAG and National, the only thing you hear after that is Cha Ching!!! At this moment, I am hearing nuh thing! (sorry, I couldn't resist) I have no auditions scheduled and am not waiting for any call backs.  I was a bit discouraged Sunday and Monday.  Doubt began to set in again, I began to wonder if my acitng career is over, maybe I just got lucky?  A bit dramatic, just a little!  I'm usually pretty positive and optimistic but for some reason this just messes with my emotions, Big Time!!  I guess because it's something that I love doing, so automatically the weird way I think takes over and I start telling myself that I don't deserve this to happen to me.  I begin to tell myself, "it's too good to be true" and "it was fun while it lasted".  If you follow me on twitter now you know why Sprinkles was my best friend on Monday night.   

Anyway, as I was sitting there having my pity party with a lemon cupcake and a carrot cupcake, Pastor Pancho's voice popped into my head.  I began recalling the message I had just heard the day before.  "God answers our prayers all the time, he says yes, no or wait."  Duhh!! A message I had heard the day before but I was so consumed and focused on my "woe to me" party that I lost focus of God and his promises!  Then, I read Bianca's blog and I was checked again!  Prayer changes things, I need to be in constant prayer. Not for me to get what I want, but for the Lord to continue to do HIS will and to change MY heart.

I need to remember that HE is with me ALL the time, and that his timing is NOT my timing.  I don't know what HE has for me but after I got over it I realized that I can't give up. I need to look up and press forward.  I just need to put on some glitter and sparkly beads.

Blessings in Disguise!

I wanted to blog about the  Seven Deadly Sins class the very first night 6 weeks ago, but something inside told me to wait so that I could look back and see what has happened in the last 6 weeks and if I had made any progress.  A lot has happened professionally, personally and spiritually. It's funny because the first tuesday of the class I did come home and write about it, I was about to post it but I didn't.  I was just reading it and I realized that I had made progress.  Six weeks ago Bianca spoke about wrath & anger and I was like "okay this doesn't really apply".  I'm super passive, I do not like confrontation,  if I don't agree with what you're saying you'll probably never know it.  My hubby is super easy going so our home life is pretty chill.  Except for the fact that we have a crazy 11 year old and 2 crazy indoor dogs that weigh more than our Aliyah. 

Anway, back to my story.  So wrath and anger not an issue, then she said something along the lines of "everyone else's life was going in warp speed and I was like in quicksand". Niagra Falls!! The words that she was speaking were ripping my heart apart.  Weird, because I'm not very emotional(for those that know me, I know you're shocked). The funny thing is as she was explaining what she was going through 2 years ago with her sister, having feelings of jealousy and bitterness and wondering "we look alike why is she getting somewhere and i'm not", I was going through the same thing.  Here's the kicker.  As I sat through Bianca's Ruth class 2 years ago, I would come home feeling the exact same thing she was explaining.  Quick note, Bianca and I both graduated from Whittier College.  So I would sit there listening to her, thinking to my self "oh my gosh, I am such a loser".  I'd come home super depressed, and I would be like what the heck, i'm going to a Bible study to come out empowered and exposed so that I can become a better Christian and instead I felt like a total loser.  I would tell my husband, "How can two girls that went to the same college come out so different.  She is smart, articulate, she knows the pages of her Bible like I know the pages of the gossip magazines, and to top it off she's gorgeous and the girl can dress!  And me, I don't even remember going to college, I work at the family business doing whatever it is I do.  I cry almost every day on my way to work. I can't stick to a devotion routine even if my life depended on it.  It was bad!! Probably one of the darkest times for me as a christian.  

If you would have asked me two years ago why I was going through that, I would have said "i don't know".  Looking  back I could tell you why.  It was the Lord making me get on my knees and pray.  Pray for guidance, direction, purpose. I could see now that working for my family is actually a blessing.  Why? Because if I have an audition the next day at noon, I don't have to put in a request two weeks in advance.  I can see now that if it wasn't for that time I probably wouldn't have pursued acting again. There is no way that 2 years ago I would have been able to see this.  God was and is continuing to do an amazing work in my life and HE wants to do it in your life as well! We all have a purpose!! 

God is Good!!

Genesis thru Ruth

I had gotten back from bootcamp and I was pretty beat.  As I was being tortured, the only thing that came to mind was "it's not gonna be easy".  If I want results, I'm going to have to work hard for it.  Hmmm.  Not my favorite thing to do, but as time passes I'm enjoying what it feels like to work hard and see results.  Not just at the gym, but in my marriage, at work, acting. Don't get me wrong, my marriage is great!! My hubby is great!! Butttt it takes a lot of hard work to see great results in a marriage. Not being selfish, having his best interests in mind, kindness, consideration, giving in, saying sorry (not one of my strong points).  I'm enjoying seeing the fruits of my labor, it feels good to work hard for something and see results but I have a confession.  I am not working as hard in the Bible department.  After I posted the last blog, I was a bit embarrassed for myself.  I've been a christian a little over 12 years and (oh my gosh I can't believe i'm gonna say this) I don't even know the books of the bible.  I think I know Genesis thru Ruth.  I don't know many bible verses, which is funny because my daughter has to memorize a bible verse each week at school and if she doesn't get an A, I freak out.  Niiiice.  I know, bad parent.  So I made a decision, I'm going to commit to try and memorize at least 3-4 verses a week.  Not so that I can say I know 297 verses and recite them to my hubby and Aliyah everyday, but so that I can be equipped.  I take commercial classes to equip myself as an actress.  So it only makes sense to equip myself for life.

The verse that sparked this decision was "the word of God is living and powerful and sharper than a two edged sword" Hebrews 4:12.  (i didn't cheat, I promise) It made me realize that I can say i've been a Christian for 67 years, but how much of HIS word do I have in my heart.  If something comes up, I'm not prepared!  I need to be able to back up my stuff. This just really tripped me out.  I understand that my life and how I live is the biggest and best testimony but it's just not good enough for me anymore.  I need to grow, I need to learn, I need to practice what I preach!!  So Aliyah, i'm sorry that your wicked stepmother (hahaha!!) expects you to do something that I myself couldn't and wouldn't do. 

So, I hope I don't have to write a blog next week confessing to you guys that I failed.  If I have time to sit down and watch TV, I definitely have time to do this!

It's the Climb

So yesterday on my way to the audition I was flipping the radio like I always do and of course nothing good was on so I left it on Miley's "The climb". I am guilty of hearing a song hundred times before I actually listen to the words. So there I was on my merry little way and I began to pay attention to the lyrics and I felt like I was going to shed a tear! What a dork, I know!! The lyrics were just so powerful to me at the moment. For those non Miley Fans, here's a link to the lyrics. http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-climb-lyrics-miley-cyrus.html

It's crazy, it's as if Jesus was telling me not to give up, keep the faith, even when the voice inside my head is saying "you'll never reach it". (we all know that voice). It's going to be a climb, I know that, but as i'm "climbing" I don't want to forget the struggles that got me to this point and the struggles that I will continue to go through to get there. Where ever THERE is. Like the song says, "ain't about how fast I get there or what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb". It's what we're going through today that is going to help mold us into the person we need to be. I don't want to be so focused on succeeding that I don't appreciate the moments that are getting me there. I gotta start somewhere. So keep the faith, keep climbing!!

One Fine Day!!

So there I was, standing on set and just being in total awe.  I was watching the directors, assistant directors, producers, lighting guys, prop people and just soaking it all in because I couldn't believe I was standing in the middle of all this.  All I could do was smile and thank Jesus for where I was at.  I knew that there was no way this would be happening if it weren't for HIM!!  

It was great. As soon as I got there I went into hair and makeup and while I was sitting there craft services came in and asked what I wanted for breakfast.  I told her "i'll go check it out when i'm done" she told me "No, tell me what you want and i'll get it for you". WHAT??!!  That was awesome, but I passed, i'm not a breakfast person.  Then off to wardrobe, where they steamed my clothes and made me all cute!  As I was walking to the set (which was a private residence) I passed the craft services table. You name it they had it.  Everytime we came out for break they had something fresh to munch on. Fruit, grilled cheese sandwiches with pesto sauce, mini pizzas, brownies, turkey sliders.  Then lunch, it was a gourmet lunch truck.  Weird, I know!  I was in heaven! I was like queen for a day. So what's my point? My point is, we serve an Awesome God!  Only He could have made this happen, because of HIM I was standing in the middle of that set looking like a kid going to Disney for the first time.  To be able to do what I love at least for the day, was amazing!  I don't deserve it, that's for sure but we serve a loving, merciful and gracious God.  He loves me even though i'm all jacked up!  I'm not a theologist(theologian,Thanks B!) I can't quote scripture off the top of my head. I'll John 3:16 and Romans 8:28 everything. Hahaha!! What I CAN do is share what Jesus is doing in my life, and share how he is doing a GREAT work in my life.  I am truly blessed to have an AMAZING hubby, a CRAZY kid, New Friends that are praying for me, and a chance to get to do what I love! God IS Good!!

P.S. Thanks for all the Love, I am truly humbled that you guys read this stuff and you even leave comments(good ones too!!). I don't really have friends (whole other blog) so you're support is AWESOME.

F.A.M.E 

in HIM

(Found-a-Meaningful-Existence)

in HIM

The Countdown begins...

Well in 2 days I go to film the little promo.  I'm not one to get nervous, actually i'll probably get more nervous to have to meet new people than to actually do the job.  There goes the "anti" kicking in again.  Hahaha!!! Anyway I think the excitement is actually over taking any kind of nervousness I might have.  Let me explain to you why.  Here we go, me telling you more about myself again. Scary!! Anway, i've never really had to work hard for anything.  I alway did good in school, I would make my mom sign me up for summer school and cry if I had to be absent.  When it was time to apply for high school, I applied for one and got in.  When it was time to apply for college, I applied to one and got in.  I wasn't the best student because like I said before I never really worked hard, but I graduated, so that was good enough for me.  I didn't have to look for a job when I got out of college because it was a given that I was going to work for the family business.  So when I started my acting the first time I went in with the same mentality.  I want to do it so it'll just happen and it kind of did but I never really gave it my all.  The second time around, more than 10 years later, and a christian now, you think I would have learned my lesson right?  Well I kind of didn't.  This time did involve a lot more prayer but I didn't go in giving it 100%.  I don't think I even knew how to do that!  So I took pictures, sent them out, eventually got an agent but was just kind of sitting around waiting for Hollywood to call. I got a couple of auditions but that was about it.  I wasn't even preparing myself.  Mind you, I had not taken a commercial class in about 13 years.  (I was really showing Jesus that I was serious about this. Riiiiight!!) I wasn't doing anything to "better" myself in this area, yet I would pray "why isn't anything happening, why I am not booking?".  Duhhh!!  It's amazing the way the Lord reveals himself to us.  It was a simple conversation with my cousin and she mentioned to me "have you seen such and such's blog" I was like "no way" that's crazy.  I Went home started reading and reading and reading. Then linking to other blogs of more amazing smart women that Love Jesus.  All pursuing dreams and careers, pushing forward, learning and sharing along the way. Not sitting around rotting and waiting for their dreams to magically appear.  It was amazing, after that I can't even explain the fire that was lit right under me.  I signed up for a class, changed agents and decided that I needed to change my evil ways(hahaha!!).  I felt like I needed to prove to God my family and myself that I was actually going to work hard for something and not give up when it got tough.  Jesus was not just going to hand this one to me. What??!! Well we know what happens next.  I stepped out of my bubble, signed up for a class, endured hours of downtown traffic, signed up for another seminar, and endured more hours of downtown and West LA traffic.  I also signed up for bootcamp just to prove to myself that I could actually say i'm going to do something and do it.  I've been going for about 2 months now.  On the first audition I went to after all this, I booked the part.  Yayyy!!! Lesson of the day. You want to do something, pursue it, give it your all, don't give up when the going gets tough.  Praying is definitely first and foremost, but praying and sitting around and doing nothing about it, is not going to work. Trust me.  This is probably not news to most of you, but for me it's been a hard lesson to learn. A lot of tears, a lot of doubt, a lot of feeling sorry for myself. Boohoo!!  I'm excited to see what the Lord has in store, hopefully we can continue on this interesting journey together.

So Rise and Shine.....

I don't know what came over me, I was on my way to the oh so wonderful Se7en Deadly Sins Series brought to you by the ever so talented Bianca Juarez and I felt this great joy come over me.  I wanted to raise my hands and worship the Lord and I wasn't even listening to worship music (ooooooh i'm telling, hahaha!!). Anyway, I just felt joy, and it was awesome.  Then this song popped into my head, "So Rise & Shine and give God the Glory Glory, Rise and Shine and give God the Glory Glory, Rise & Shine and Give God the Glory Glory Children of the Lord".  (I'm a Sunday school teacher for 1st & 2nd graders so bare with me). I just wanted to give God the glory because these past 2 months have been KA RAZY!  One day i'm totally out of this whole network loop, no facebook, no nothing, just an email a Blackberry and a small dream.  Then the next day (not literally, but you know what I mean) I have a Facebook, a Twitter account, and a Blog.  Not only that, I actually have people that want to be my friends of Facebook, follow me on Twitter and read my blog. Is that crazy or what?!! Then let's top it off with that little dream starting to become a reality.  HE never ceases to amaze me. 

Then in between all of this we have "Se7en Deadly Sins".  Talk about revealing our "jacked up" hearts.  Wrath, Anger, Jealousy, Greed & Envy. Phewww. I'm tired just thinking about it. So in honor of tonight's class, I want to end this with a little "Thankful Walk". I borrowed (because stealing makes her sad) this idea from my friend Jasmine (shhhh!! she doesn't know she's my friend yet hahaha!!) 

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=97287772283&topic=9748&ref=mf.  

I thinks it's a great idea, instead of focusing on what we don't have and what we think we deserve we should be thankful for all the things that make us smile. Thanks Jasmine.

I am Thankful for:

-My hubby and his cooking skills.  I hate cooking and let me tell you, the boy can cook!!!!!

-Aliyah loving me to pieces, and me loving her even more than that!

-My new FB friends(& family) and their prayers.

-Being able to go to work with my Sister everyday. Keeps me sane!

-Having Thursdays off & going to the IHOPPER & Happy Nail!

-My mom cooking every Tuesday & Friday

-B

-Going to bootcamp with Mare! www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2517106&ref=nf

-Sadie & Bailey. They don't talk back!

So Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory!!

My baby is born!

So nine months ago is when all this craziness began and today I can say was a very exciting day. It's been 9 months of labor and today a baby star was born. Hahaha!!! Yes friends, I got the part. It's a promotion spot for Disney/Sara Lee, nothing major, I can't quit my day job just yet. Nevertheless, i'm just amazed how all this happened so fast. Talk about the power of prayer. For some reason it was in my heart to share this part of my life with people. Why? I don't know. All I knew was that I was excited about it. I felt like I was all dressed up with nowhere to go. This is where Facebook came in. I don't really have friends, so I thought, "this is going to be interesting" but within days I had 5 friends (2 were family members so I don't think that really counts). I noticed a trend, 5 women that love Jesus. Coincidence? I think not!! The invitation to join me was sent out, and here we are. I want to thank you for your prayers and your words of encouragement because Lord knows I need them. I am the queen of starting something and not finishing it. I think that's why i'm shocked to see this happening right before my eyes. I am actually following through and continuing to pursue something I started?! With God ALL things are possible. Amen??!!

Lesson of the month(s) for me, don't quit, hard work and sacrifice pay off. What's your goal? Finishing a book, being more organized, working out, whatever it is, don't quit, don't get discouraged that's exactly what satan wants. He likes for us to feel like losers, give up and be ineffective (hmmm... that sounds familiar). We are not losers people, Jesus loves us!!

"Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father who created all the lights in the heavens" James 1:17.

This is Crazy! This is Crazy! This is Crazy!

Follow me on my journey.

I'm not sure if you guys know this about me, but i'm not really one to share my feelings or even talk for that matter. I'm the girl who sits in the very back row by myself and that doesn't really talk to anyone for fear that once you get to know me you'll realize i'm not that interesting and be disappointed.  I'll just keep everybody guessing and be mysterious. HaHaHa!  So anyway, i'm inviting my 5 FB friends on a journey.  I figured this is the perfect time to let you guys in on my life, 5 women that I think could be very instrumental in my path.  Women that Love Jesus!!.  I'm going to try and make this short and sweet. Fifteen years ago I started to pursue an acting career.  I studied commercial acting, i had an agent and went on auditions here and there.  I shot an industrial commercial, was an extra on Moesha, and some shows on Spanish television. When I got married, I basically stopped doing it so that I could be attentive to my husband and his 3 year old daughter.  I was ok with it, because to me it was a door that the Lord was closing so that I could be in domestic bliss.  Riiiight!  Well here I am almost 7 years later and the acting bug is still biting.  After many many many months of praying and seeking and knocking, I was urged to start again.  So, for the past 9 months i've been on this journey basically solo, only 5 people knew.  My Jesus, my hubby, Aliyah, my sister and her hubby.  Not even my Mom.  I thought, if this takes off i'll tell her I started doing it again.  If not, nobody knew and on with my life.  Talk about setting myself up for failure.  If nobody knows then nobody will think i'm a loser, hahaha!!!.  

I'd rather fail trying something I love than succeed at something I hate.(7 deadly sins class, that's a whole other blog) So here it is, for the whole world to see. Well my 5 (6 now) friends.  I'm giving it a whirl.  Am I going to succeed? I don't know.  Fail? I hope not.  But whatever happens Jesus is with me.  So pray for me, and join me on this crazy journey.  

Considering i'm so "anti" as my friend likes to call me, I think this is a pretty good baby step.  First, I didn't sit in the back row this time, and now i'm telling people about myself. Crazy!!